From the Mind of Miss Audra...

"How Do You Feel?" @ Red Light Lounge

2010-03-18T14:47:00.000-07:00

"Cool" @ Red Light Lounge

2010-03-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

Too Busy for Love?

2009-09-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

Traffic....High Speed Internet....On the Fast Track in Corporate America....BENTLEY vs. toyota (The fight to the luxury vehicle finish line..."don't get left behind with a regular car"!)

In this society, we are conditioned to desire an "upgrade" after all who would be content with a flip phone if you can have a Blackberry? We are conditioned to believe that the most important thing for us to do...is WORK! We must work until we have little to no energy to do anything else to achieve a certain level of "success" that is spelled out for us on shows like "Cribs". No longer is the white picket fence acceptable (at least for the next generation) as they no longer have the Cosby lifestyle to try and live up to but now they are chasing the million dollar homes of athletes and celebs.

Now please don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with living a comfortable lifestyle and having a hefty savings account (tis something I strive for myself). My question is: At what cost do we desire these things? I have spoken with several men in regards to their idea of provision for their children (and yes I do believe that the man is to be the main provider for his family, before the woman in a perfect world). I found it interesting that many of the men were more focused on making sure that their child had "the best" of everything from designer baby shoes and expensive car seats to expensive video gaming systems for their older children.--Not a surprise...actually a beautiful sentiment. What I find alarming is the cost that comes along with providing these luxury items for their children. These men were willing to work unbelievably long hours with schedules that would not allow them to see their children before their bedtime. Specifically a certain man worked 80 hours per week to earn a hefty $50,000 per MONTH! WOW I say! Sounds wonderful especially with an economy like this. But lets look at the other side of the equation. 120 hours (in 5 day work week) - 80 work hours= 40 remaining hours/5 days per week= 8 hours per day of free time. If you only sleep 6 hours a night the other 2 hours are probably used to get dressed, maybe grab a donut and coffee for breakfast, wave at the wife and kids as you run out of the house and get in your Mercedes so that you can sit in traffic on your way to your very demanding job! Maybe your weekends are free but then again I'm sure with that type of job you may have to play golf on a Sunday to keep a client invested in your company or you may actually just be exhausted or God forbid have to take work home with you. Overall, is it really worth it? Do your children need all of the latest gadgets and games in order to be happy? Or do WE the people in society actually set the precedence in our own families? But maybe the issue is that we don't always assert our authority over our own lives and choose to not live based on the standard that society sets for us.

Children have an uncanny and very natural desire to love their parents and people in general that they get a good vibe from (they seem to have awesome discernment). All a child really wants is their mommy and daddy (rich, poor, middle class or whatever). With young children there is no judgement because their fuel is love...love keeps them happy....not things. I'm not sure that all would agree with me but the same is really true for adults that have a sincere and honest relationship with God and love themselves. We will forfeit the luxuries of the world for a honest and sincere love from the person that we desire most. Not that we want to be destitute and in the streets but we will trade in the Beemer for the 5 year old Buick if the love is real.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I chose the above scripture to highlight what love really is, it is not just provision but it is combination of qualities that are pure in nature. It is seeking which is truly the best for the other person as a whole and doing what it takes for that person when all sides are measured. There is no wonder romantic relationships cannot last because the first line is "Love is patient", the question is are we patient with each other? Or are we ready to upgrade as if that person in front of us is a cell phone. Heck maybe you don't need an iPhone maybe that flip phone has all the features you need, has less problems then the 1st generation iPhone and costs less money!

In a society where efficiency is the main goal you WILL get the wrong idea if you try and translate that to any relationship. Love takes time, it is not a gadget that you can drop off at the repair shop, leave with your loaner version and pick it up the next day and it works the way you want it to. Love takes work on both the parts of the parties involved. That work takes time and therefore you must not be too busy to take the time that it takes to have the love that you truly desire. (whew say that last line 3 times fast! lol)

Determination

2009-08-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have to cry but I will not die!

I will not lie...it hurts

This lesson is coated in pain

But my God's strength will sustain

I will be stronger than ever...not just survive

I will take over the world when I conquer my mind

No more listening to doubts

No more 'I gotta figure it out'

I know it, I have it, was born with it, I feel it

I am strong now and powerful

I had no idea how weak I really was

When you look at my face tell me what do you see

If you look too long you will see it's ever changing because I grow everyday as I seek HIS face

More confident now because I know my place

Becoming set for the day when I am no longer me...but He...We

And everything He's created me to be

With godly excellence as my goal

His Word as my shield

In His arms I find comfort

With His spirit...indeed...

I am pleasantly powerful and beautifully unique

Greater than my circumstance, stronger than I could ever believe

I set my goals on higher ground because I've discovered my worth

I haven't seen the Promised Land in person but I have an idea

Maybe it's not just a place beyond

Maybe on Earth its just being free with no more insecurities

No more weeping like the willow, my roots are too deep

His power is like water flowing through me

I WILL succeed, I shall not doubt

There is a light inside me that will lead me out!

"Slave" Outrage (Controversy over Lil Wayne's New Song)

2009-08-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

(Below you will find lyrics for a new song by Lil Wayne entitled "Whip It [like a slave]". I ask you, how long will we let this continue? Is THIS what our music has come to? But I guess the most important question is....What are we going to do?)

**Keep reading (at the end)...I woke up this morning with this poem after hearing about this song yesterday. Poem entitled: "Slave Rage" by Audra A. Bryant**

Whip It Lyrics (Song by Lil Wayne)

[Verse 1:]
Ok, you ain't know shit
It's weezy f baby like a newborn bitch
You ain't know shit
I put your girl to work now here's a uniform bitch

Pimpin over here
And I ain't santa clause but I make it rain dear
Money out the ass

Yeah money out the rear.
Weezy at the plate

I could bunt it out of here
Safe as a mother fucker
Ain't no safety button on this mother fucker
Where the safe mother fucker?
That's the case i can judge it

Weezy F. the ample fury

12 Hanged witnesses
That's what I call a hung jury
Brung Jerry Bling Bling
I made that but I don't even say that

As much as Judges say that
That's way back
Boy you should catch up

It must of be mine, theys
Long hair pretty eyes light skin fine legs,
Phat ass, skinny stomach, pretty feet, pretty woman
Walking down the street cause I put her out my jeep,
I don't save em, I slave em, they want weezy F,

I bad grade em, I don't degrade em, I serenade em,
100 on the charm

100 on the arm
Rings so thick I can't even make a fist

Nigga fuck how you do it cause I do it like this
Yeah, and I just do my Wayne

And every time I do it I do my thang,[x2]
i do it do it
i do it do it
i do it do it do it do it
i do it do it do it do it
i do it how i do it and i do it everyday
i do it how i do it and i do it everyday
say i do it how i do it when i do it everydayand i whip it like a slave
like a mother fuckin slave
yes i whip it like a slave
yes i whip it like a slave
i whip it like a slave
like a mother fuckin slave
yea i whip it like a slavelike a mother fuckin slave
then i beat it i beat it i beat it i beat i

http://www.elyricsworld.com/whip_it_lyrics_lil (Click here for the rest of the lyrics)

Slave Rage by: Audra A. Bryant

As I write down all my feelings
I squint to see the page
As tears begin to flow
Drowning out my rage

It's not that I'm unhappy
It’s more that I am sad
That the very thing that’s supposed to entertain
Has put shackles on us again

What’s worse than this bondage we face
Is that we volunteer for this cage
When deep inside us is a justifiable rage

How dare I be a slave
When my ancestors died for free…
Dumb this music is that’s bent on destroying me
Yet worse is the fact that no one stands

Have we all given up?
We’re engaged by the beat
When we should be enraged by the speech
Cause if it were a brother of another color
We’d call Al Sharpton to speak

Are we weak? A joke?
Funny? Ha Ha?
Or are we too focused on our own lives
So we forsake righteousness and lower the bar?

How much does it take for you to get mad?
Wake up people…this is bad…wack…sad…and completely inappropriate

Maybe the beat is hot
But those shackles are cold
If this song is at the top of the charts
What does that say about our souls?

Created To Love (The Blog)

2009-07-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

(Follow up to poem "Created To Love")

God is Love...so if we were created in His image than we are also love...designed to love.

What I have found in myself is that I have had an overwhelming desire to love people but when you love that can be considered a weakness by the world because you open yourself up to be hurt. No one wants to be hurt so to save face people try to minimize the importance of love as if it is optional. In the kingdom of God love is NOT optional in fact it is said that (1 Corinthians 13:13 13) "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

So why do we seem to shut down when it comes to loving our neighbor? A significant other? Ourselves? I would usually go into a long-winded explanation but I think this will remain short and sweet...but maybe not! (lol) I believe that people in the church have allowed the world to set the example of love (extremely CONDITIONAL love). For example, look at the movies we watch can you count how many people die in the actions films we see today? Try one action sequence at least? It's too many to count. Our video games are full of violence and death now. We see divorce everyday on court shows, celebs can never stay together. We see single parent families on a daily basis, etc. Our society is teaching us that love is conditional at best... no guarantees. Society tells us to stop hoping for love, stop loving those that don't love us and SELF PROTECT! The world is about"Looking out for #1"...God is NOT in the equation so why are WE (God's people) following suit?

We may not like what comes with the territory of being open to love, the vulnerability, the inconsistency, the frustration but it is who we are! If living in this country as a black person is difficult...you can't change that...so why do we try and change our loving nature? I refuse to apologize for desiring to love a wonderful man of God...God put that desire there! I refuse to NOT encourage my sister in Christ because the world says that she is my "competition"! I refuse to continue to condemn myself for my imperfections as if I have not been created by the most perfect being in existence, God! I REFUSE!

We must demand and command love again in our lives or we will die spiritually and physically. Quick story, I saw a show on TV about sick children with brain tumors. These children were on the verge of death when they were "adopted" by college athletic teams who would invite them to games and call them when they were in the hospital, send them letters, etc. These teams loved on these sick children. One of the parents of the children said that she took her daughter to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor said that her T-cells were at a more normal rate (she was healing faster than normal) the doctor was curious to how this could happen at such an accelerated rate. The doctor knew the medicine could not work this quickly or well. The mother could only think of the weekend before when her husband and child were hanging out with the rugby team this past weekend and the weekends before! So it looks like love can heal...so how can we just choose to NOT help heal people?

The U.S. has the highest rate of Depression in the world (according to a Forbes article in 2007). I'm pretty sure much has not change since then...probably just worse. We work diligently and constantly toward the "American Dream" in this country but what we don't realize is that we suffer spiritually along the way. We must understand that Depression is a symptom of a Love Deficiency...it IS curable. We in the church need to fully understand what is important, how can we chase our dreams and not spend the time to encourage others and give to them freely or are we just too busy to love?

(Stay tuned for the followup..."Too Busy To Love")

A Love for Me

2009-07-29T01:21:00.000-07:00

Where is a love for me?
Sick of wanting, fawning, yawning then drifting off to sleep
Just to wake with the same circumstances
Alas, it’s just me

It’s more than just having a Romeo
It’s something I know that’s deep
It’s heartfelt, it’s God-breathed
Precious is this dream

I sit back and watch the fireworks explode
The heart light of others I see
Whilst I sit here and implode
Waiting on a love for me

Tired of writing stories
Painful poetry and the like
It’s cutting me too deep
I hope there is an infirmary in sight

I bleed red on this here canvas
Emotions filled with blues
Green with envy at the love
That I continue to lose

Where is a love for me?
I sit for I cannot stand
Been waiting for you so long, Love

Signed,

Your Biggest Fan

Letter To the Outside World

2009-07-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

(The perils of not operating in your purpose)

I sit…I sit… I stand
I pace…I stop…I sit down again
That's how it is on the inside

There's 4 walls a few halls and no sunlight
"How am I supposed to breathe with no air" why can't I get a breeze?
Can't even see the trees
And you gotta buzz someone in that wants to visit me

Where did I go wrong or is this where I belong?
Wage is minimal, conditions are criminal
Using a certain jargon so your references are subliminal
But everywhere I look it's all the same, my friends my family they don't even have time to write to me

But this is life? This is how it's supposed to be?
But it ain't cool when freedom is closed to me!
I want to be run, jump and play but who's gonna pay… these bills today
I heard that if you do what you love then you'll never work a day in your life
Well, I interviewed for that job…and it was filled!

So I send a letter to the outside world from the 3rd floor suite two sixteen hoping somebody hears me
This feels more like cell block 105 hopin you take a long enough lunch to make it out alive!

"Good Girls" and "Nice Guys"

2009-07-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

I have been blessed to have wonderful and Godly friends in my life. Most of which of course are single (cause you know us single folk flock together). One thing that has boggled my mind is how these amazing single men and women remain solo (myself included). Barring any lack of desire to be in a relationship logically it seems downright absurd for these wonderful people to be alone with a desire to be with someone. But something hit me.

Does this sound familiar to anyone:

You get bored with regular aimless dating?
Do you feel sometimes like your heart is on reserve for somebody special but it feels like it is taking too long to find the person that fits the profile?
Does it seem like even though you are attractive and have a great personality, the guy or girl you are interested in doesn't recognize it?
Do people call you the "good girl" or the "nice guy" and that seems to be the reason you can't get any play and it's frustrating?

Well there is something that I have discovered. This of course does not apply to everyone (but then again what does).

I believe that some people ARE put on reserve. I believe that some men are just naturally Husbands and some women are just naturally Wives, while some people are Boyfriends and Girlfriends. Now don't get me wrong I think the B's and G's can become great H's and W's but I think that some people just have that "I am to be married…not dated!" sign stamped on their forehead. Have you ever heard "I gotta get myself together before I can holla at you" or "I think you are a great guy and would make a great husband but…(fill in the blank). I believe that some people give off an aire that demands respect and not to be played with and I believe the most people with a conscience will recognize that and NOT play around with them. But that same wonderful quality will usually lead to something not so nice…loneliness. Not to blow anyone's head up but when a person "has it together" and they are genuinely a great person…that can be intimidating! Imagine how you would feel if Kobe Bryant asked you to play one-on-one with him. He's a pro and you're a…no! How intimidating would that be? No matter how nice and cool he was you would probably decline because you know you couldn't keep up! Now don't get me wrong, this does not mean you shouldn't check yourself for any "hot mess tendencies" you may have. You could very well be the reason you are alone. But in case you are pretty healthy relationship wise this could be what's happening.

Basically, understand that God's hedge of protection is a great thing. Remember "Father Knows Best" He knows how special you are but he also knows your weaknesses. So that chick with the big booty you have been hawkin' may be easy on the eyes but she just might be heavy on the wallet. Or that dude, he may have a great sense of humor but he also has "mommy issues" and subconsciously hates women. God knows our vulnerabilities and so the rejection we face may be His protection! Maybe you don't feel rejected, maybe you just hate the whole dating scene. I think that if you are dating with a purpose than boredom and frustration can be expected because it means you know what you want. When you have Godly standards you can expect some thumb twiddling time. If this is you, you must be patient but you must also pray. Pray for what you want…every last detail (to eye color, or body shape). Does God have to give you exactly what you want? Of course not, but it could happen. Either way, the most important thing is that the person you settle down with should not be a settlement!

Wait on the man or woman of God you know that you deserve they will recognize the Husband or Wife that you really are. The good news is…you won't have to convince them because when they look at you they will see a piece of themselves.

Love in a "Lukewarm" Society

2009-07-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

I listened for the umpteenth time the other day to Oukast’s song, “Hey Ya” but this time certain lines jumped out at me: “Nothing lasts forever, so what makes love the exception? So why are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here?” Hmm, most people would agree with that statement and in some ways part of it may be true. For instance, completely ignoring your unhappiness isn’t wise but the excuse for that is not tied to the fact that “nothing lasts forever” because God’s love and mercy endures forever.

It's almost as if we have given up on hoping for a love that lasts forever possibly because we're more familiar with the concept of "broken love" as opposed to "healing love". What we don't quite understand is that love begins with the "lover" (you) not the "loved" (other person). Love must be perfected in YOU before it can be given to someone else. So how do we perfect the love within ourselves? WE don't...keep reading...

The concept of love in this day and age is REALLY tricky because it’s nuances have been convoluted by the “anti-love” society we live in. Let me briefly describe our world, I’m sure I will miss something but feel free to add your own descriptions as needed:
The World (these descriptions are not meant to put anyone on the spot…I am no one’s judge and no one is perfect this is simply an illustration to see where we are in our society; reference point United States):

· Many people are selfish and those who are not are on the verge because they have been hurt so many times.

· Many people would sacrifice the well-being and cohesiveness of their family in order to obtain wealth. They claim they are just trying to be providers but if the very work that they do to provide is tearing their family apart it becomes less about provision and more about pride. Sort of like selling your car for gas money…what’s more important?

· We live outside our means as if having more stuff makes us better people.

· We pay more attention to what we put ON our bodies than what we put IN them. (How do you were Gucci yet smoke cigarettes)?

· We are more concerned about what people think more than what God thinks.

· When we make a mistake we want forgiveness yet we are unwilling to reciprocate.

· If I shot and killed a man I would go to jail but if that man is executed because he is on death row then it’s ok. Hmm…Thou Shalt not Kill?...unless the judge says so I guess.

· People feel like they can shack up, as long as they are not seeing anyone else they have a good relationship. But if you ask why they just don’t get married they say: “We’re not ready for that yet”. You are living as if you are ready for that yet you don’t want the title because along with the title comes the responsibility…and everyone seems to never want the responsibility. We have “Relationship A.D.D.“ these days!

(Are we Lazy?)

I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. We live in a society with too many gray areas. We live in a LUKEWARM society! We are neither hot nor cold but what we don’t understand is that lukewarm is the farthest from God we can get. We waiver in our beliefs to suit our needs in this society which teaches us that as long as we are happy then we are doing what’s right. If we are not happy then we need to run away from this thing that makes us unhappy. It makes sense theoretically but with God it’s a different story. Even with athletics it’s a different story. You’ve heard of “No pain, no gain”. Well sometimes God puts us in uncomfortable positions to develop and mature us because He knows it’s in our nature to run.
We need to go back to the time when our word was bond. We have become manipulators lately because we want to appear nice and kind (because it makes us look good and spiritual) but we don’t want to do the work to backup our word. So how in the world are we going to be able to LOVE each other and build lasting relationships if we are too tired or lazy to put in the work?

(Overly Stressed?)

We tend to be overly stressed in this country because we are taught that what we have (especially if we live modestly) is never good enough. We are brainwashed to work and fight for this “American Dream” by any means necessary and unfortunately our families and friends because the causalities of this imaginary war! I say ‘imaginary’ war because there is no such thing as the ‘American Dream’. That is an idea that we are sold that tells us that we can do anything in this country because we are free. But what we don’t do is read the fine print. Sure we have religious freedoms and freedom of speech but what we don’t realize that affects us all is that a “lawless society” aka a “lukewarm society” is the breeding ground for sin and when sin in rampant in your world…you WILL suffer! You will be the good single woman that can’t find a good man because the men around you are double-minded because their battle with their flesh is so overwhelming (yet acceptable in society )that they cannot make a decision or keep their word so they remain “players”. Society tells them…its ok to be unmarried and a serial fornicator at least until you’re in your mid-thirties maybe 40. THIS society will put single parenthood on a pedestal as if it is the most desired form of parenting and it will encourage women that they can be the mother AND the father to their child. Lukewarm society says to women: “You are an Independent Woman”, you have your own, you don’t really NEED a man.” Lukewarm Society says to men: “Go and sleep with every woman you possibly can…that’s what men do! You’ve got to get it out of your system before you fall for some woman and she tries to marry you. But, if you have some kids though (accidentally) just pay child support…cause that’s what good men do.”

If that is what Lukewarm Society says is ok then how in the world are we going to ever be truly happy? I know single parents and though they are doing the best they can with the cards they have been dealt…they don’t enjoy being alone and doing all the work for themselves and their children. You can speak with many single sisters out there and ask how they feel about single life. Some may love it at the moment and just aren’t ready for marriage but many/most are tired of the dating scene and want real love in their lives.

(Do we settle?)

What I find is that we as people have a knack for adapting. When we don’t get what we want we will just “adapt” and begin to like whatever it is that we get or whatever comes easy to us. For instance, once upon a time when we ate only fresh food (i.e. fresh squeezed orange juice) we enjoyed it because that was our norm. But now that we have been introduced to “concentrated” juice because it’s easy access since it’s sold in all of our grocery stores and you can usually only get fresh squeezed from a farmers market. We have now lowered our palette’s standards and adjusted to the ‘concentrated’ form of juice when we really want the good stuff. We have changed because our environment now says it’s ok to drink a less tasty substitute. They don’t encourage us to go look for the real thing (at the farmers market) that would impede on their pockets so of course not.

But you have a choice: Will you look for fresh squeezed or concentrated? Which one will you BE? Just know that with God doing the squeezing it may take a little longer and be a bit uncomfortable for you to get the results but in the end it will all be worth the effort. And since when is REAL love, TRUTHFUL love ever NOT worth the effort?!

I Am EVE

2009-07-25T14:43:00.001-07:00

I am EVE

Not to be confused with an EVE-ning

Not just one night

I'm not EVE-n though I'm with you, I'm with her too

I am not EVE-ventually I'm gonna get it together, just wait for me to finish playing

What are you saying?

Am I not worth you taking a serious look at your life and behavior and say

"Hey I can't let her get away"

I'm patient but I can't wait forever.

If together's not an option then let me know

I am EVE

Not lEaVE and come back tomorrow

EVE is on the edge of bitterness

From a snake bite earlier

I thought Adam had the salve

But he was too busy chasing the bushes

I can't wait until he figures out

They're not going anywhere

and those bushes baby produce...no fruit!

Created To Love (from his perspective)

2009-07-24T01:39:00.000-07:00

I am a vessel created to love.
I can’t help it
The world tries to squelch it
but alas love is my calling

To love people, ideals, nature as well as myself
My hearts too big to be put on a shelf

They say I bring joy to those I love
Even strangers have felt the tug
They see me and smile
I’m not quite sure why
Cause every part of me feels like an ordinary guy

But I guess there’s something inside
My eyes cannot see
That keeps drawing people so close to me
It’s a natural thing
You can’t buy it online
It’s the deepest and purest love from God
That’s what you’ll find inside

Not sure how it got there
But I’m so glad it did
I was created to love
And I won’t apologize for it

Yay Love!

2009-07-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

Wow love…you came to visit!
I am overwhelmed and so very honored to meet your acquaintance
I did not know I was capable
I truly understand what God means when He says” Love is kind and not self-seeking”
If I had it my way I would take time out of everyday to say ‘I love you’
Make sure you’re ok
Give you hugs
Learn to cook really well so I can serve you dinner… with confidence!

Love feels good
Giving love feels good
And feeling good…feels good
Most importantly loving YOU feels right…the easiest thing I’ve ever done… next to writing this… about you
Thank you…for being you
And allowing me to be me

You say you’re not perfect but forgive me if I just look at your imperfections as signs that you are actually human and not an angel that will leave me soon
If you were perfect you wouldn’t be you and I wouldn’t have anything to do in helping you with in your quest for perfection
What a blessing this is to feel this way
This is living! LOVING is LIVING! Loving feels better than not!

Actively participating in the love in your life whether it’s from a friend, significant other, teacher, minister or puppy is exhilarating!
Love is best when it’s true, honest, unselfish, gentle, forgiving and accompanied by freedom.
I was created to love God and I am so glad you came with the package!

Through Thick and Thin!

2009-07-21T15:00:00.001-07:00

(2002)
I came across an old picture of myself. One that 6 years ago I was ok with but then as I became further immersed in “Hollywood” I began to loathe…I was THICK! Yes ladies and gentleman…I was once curvaceous…heck I AM from the midwest!

What’s interesting is that when I first moved to L.A. I was ok with my size…I was a 10…sometimes 11 but I wore it pretty well. I had hips and thighs, yet still had a small waist…praise God! (lol) But what I was faced with as I began to delve further into the entertainment industry (even though I was behind the scenes) is pressure…I was too plain…too thick…just not quite right. Maybe I was so impressionable because I was so young but it really had an effect on me.

So now I am a size 4…hmm… quite an accomplishment some would say. I must admit that it feels good to finally be able to wear WHATEVER I want! I did everything the natural way…eating right and exercising (stuff I surely didn’t do before…at all). But I will say that I miss my curves. I miss knowing that my back side is going to be prominent in whatever I am wearing. (Not sure if it’s healthy to be so concerned with the prominence of that part of my body…as most black women are brainwashed to be but I digress) But hey…now I can wear a half top and my stomach is flat…cool! What was weird for the longest time is going back to Detroit and having my family and friends throw cakes and pies at me like “Girl, what’s wrong with you, you betta eat!” I’m skinny out there, but I’m just right here in L.A. yet 6 years ago I was perfect for Detroit but too big for L.A.

All of this started me thinking…who am I? Why am I defined by my waistline? Some like ‘em thick and some like ‘em thin but what do I like? I have to be honest and say that at first it mattered a lot what everyone else thought. Now, not as much (sometimes I care but I’m working on not). I have learned that I have to do what is best for me and my well being. So if by working out and eating healthy I look like this then so be it but I was always me…even 6 years ago. As a society we are usually so focused on the exterior that we will miss the blessing in a person that is within. Of course there is nothing wrong with looking great on the outside but we must not ignore our inner beauty for it is truly the best and most important part of us. Not sure why I wanted to share this but if it encourages anyone out there just remember that you must love yourself…through THICK and THIN!
(2008)

God Help Us! (Miss you Michael)

2009-07-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

First of all, I want to say that I miss you Michael...although I never knew you. I wish I was able to know you not just because of the fame but because you came across as a true person of love and innocence. Your talent was God given and so much more than this world could handle.

I entitled this note "God Help Us" because I truly feel like the last few years of Michael's life have been full of heartache, depression and despair. I imagine that he though very sheltered had a unique connection with the human spirit (a God-given compassion) that we may not understand but spoke to the hearts of many. He seemed to be drawn to the "lowly" people of the world. Those who are suffering in poverty, sickness, etc. What I truly find tragic is that as much as Michael has GIVEN to the world (more than just dance moves and great music) what has he RECEIVED in the last few years? Ridicule, jokes, depressing sighs at the mention of his name because of allegations....not fact! We forgot who he was! I guess this is why Michael was heavy on my heart for some reason and I was moved to write that note last week about him.

Though I am so sad that he is gone...I feel like he can finally be at peace without judgement! He can finally hear the words in the most sincere tone from God, "Job well done...my son". I find it so sad that you have to die before your true life's purpose and contributions can be appreciated. How many times has Mike gone to bed and said, "I just did a concert where people were moved to tears... brought some sick kids teddy bears and sat with them... I just paid these kids college tuition... I just made my friends laugh, etc....YET I am nothing more than a "weirdo" or "possible child molester" to most people! How freakin sad is that folks?!

Hmmm I guess that's how Jesus felt. But does that have to be the case for everyone? You HAVE to let the people in your lives that mean something to you know it! Love them everyday even if it seems like overkill. Stop taking LOVE for granted folks (I speak to myself in this as well). When my grandmother passed in April all I could think was "I can't believe she loved me as much as she did!" I reflected on the smiles and hugs she gave me that I took for granted. We cannot take people and their contribution to the world for granted...no matter on what level. From the janitor to the President we are ALL a valuable cog in this wheel of life. LOVE NOW...FOR THE TIME IS NEAR.

Unrequited

2009-07-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

What a feeling
A pleasant disturbance
The closest parallel of life and death

My heart screams through my chest and my ears try to ignore it
Anxiety becomes my caffeine
You are my drug of choice

My fixation is natural Yet to not be with you is un...
My soul grows weary of the desires that fill my head

My mind tells me what I should do instead
But letting go is not an option
Yet neither is holding on

I have never felt hunger pangs that were not satisfied with dinner
But can you… will you…should you deliver?

How can I curse and sing your name at the same time?
Write beautiful poetry and a relational "pink slip" with every rhyme

I hurt, I grieve, I try to believe, I groan cause I can't moan...man 'I gotta go home!'

I trust God and know patience is a necessity but please believe this is so hard for me
Must I deny myself someone else Lord?
This hurts more than before

I feel so ready for the world
Yet I want to be somebody's girl
Yeah I guess that's unrequited…

Eden Love

2009-07-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

I want that Eden Love
Like we are the only two people on the earth
And everything in our site we rule

Our love isn't complicated
We can be completely naked in front of each other
And it's natural
I was made for you
And you take care of me
Cause I am your blessing
And you are my king...just below God

It's just you, me, God and the land
We live, we exist in a place so beautiful
That it's been written about
And thousands of years later
People hear about it and wish they were there where we were...in this garden

That Eden Love
That you and me love
That not stressed out type love
Cause if it gets hard love, well we got God and God IS love
And love is all we really need cause God is all we need right, Love?

This Society

2009-07-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

Somethings just not right, why does our way of life feel so empty? Am I crazy or is something wrong? Who says that the path for my life must consist of 4-8 years (or more) of college and then a 40-70 hour work week with little to no time to spend with my family or friends? Who says that stress is just a natural part of life? Why is heart disease, 'newly developed vunereal diseases' and cancer so rampant yet no universal health care? Who says that I have to be in competition with that woman next to me for the attention of that man sitting across from me? Who says that becase I'm a black woman I have to be angry, overweight and bitter? Who says that black men have to be thugs and womanizers and that the best part about them is their so called "swagger"?

There is something wrong here! What do I mean when I say "here"? The U.S. This is a society where money is top priority, power comes in at a close second, fame rounding third and family fourth (if that). With a value system like that how can we expect to feel normal? How are we supposed to know what true godly love is when we don't see it on a daily basis? Our tv shows are fully of drama, dispair, and heartache. We see drug commercials for our aches and pains with side effects that give us even more intense aches and pains! People are drugged up on more psychedelic drugs than ever just to deal with the brokeness that they feel but remains "unexplainable".

The explanation, we are in a backwards society! We live in a place that is not condusive to the rearing of a people who's most primary function is to love. We help, we encourage, we give, we care about the well being of others and it's as natural as breathing. But in a society where those valuable things are not valued, where your integrity becomes your downfall, where peace can only be achieved with snorts of cocaine and countless origies, where the idea of love only leaves one to ponder upon the seemingly imminent divorce... (btw, the U.S. has the highest divorce rate in the WORLD!) we will perpetually be in limbo because our sprits are in Zion but or bodies are in Sodom and Gomorrah!

What is the answer? First, we have to educate ourselves on WHO we actually are. We have been fed stereotypes and lies from the media for so long that we actually believe them. Then we have to stop listening when we are being told WHAT to do. We have stop following the status quo, following the 'crabs in a barrel' methodology and help each other. Next, is WHERE do we go? The 'powers that be' will not just let you be empowered in a loving manner, there is some sort of assignment that they must complete that is to kill, steal and destroy the people of God...so we must prepare a place for us to live in God's protection. WHEN are we going to make this happen? When are we going to finally admit that it's not just our imagination, there is something wrong with life as is. The fact that it's 'normal' here to see someone on the street begging for food and someone can ride past them in a Lamborghini and not even think twice about helping that person says that there is an imbalance in our society! A place where a man abandoning his child is more normal than abnormal is out of order. HOW can a place where marriage is no longer sacred but is exploited on television shows and where those people in the limelight are encouraged to have little to no integrity and respect for themselves for the sick amusement of the viewers even when there are children watching. 'Roll models aren't necessary...just as long as they're models!', the media screams! WHY do we need a change...because we're worth it...we are worthy of God's love...its timeout for the madness and the degradation of our people.

To SEE Change...We Must BE Change!

2008-11-25T16:41:00.000-08:00

Praise God for a symbol of change in 2008...the selection of President Elect Barack Obama!

I was recently at a game night (a gathering of people to play select board games...an opportunity to eat, drink and be merry!) and just as we were leaving to return home the topic of Barack winning and how that would affect black people in America came up. This was not mixed company...just us black folk ages 25-40 I'm guessing...most with college degrees. There were two differing opinions:

Point 1- Black people are always looking for a "messiah" (hence I said "a" messiah... not "the " Messiah) to bail them out of trouble. (as if Obama was that messiah) "Black people need to just stay off of welfare and go to school and get an education and they won't need a "messiah" was one solution.

Point 2- Black people have it the worst in this country, the solution is not as easy as it seems....Obama or not!

The person whose point of view I listed as "point 1" was a college graduate with possibly a grad degree. He was also a black Republican (he voted for Barack but still had Republican points of view). I completely understand his frustration with the state of black Americans today. You have rappers who are still continuously going to jail and writing songs that are of zero to minimal substance. The music seems to perpetuate the state of the people instead of encouraging otherwise. The attire of this generation of teens and early 20's young people is less than likely going to warrant them a job beyond an inner city street corner. There seems to be more "babies daddies" then there are husbands in the black community so therefore the state of black people in the U.S. is becoming a cause for alarm. Now the question is...Are we to blame for our downward spiral or is someone else? Personally, I feel like it is a combination of the two and a few variables.

The Decline of the Black Family

We can choose to stop having babies out of wedlock (not through abortions of course). But celibacy is God's answer to birth control! (us)

Rebuilding from the Crack Epidemic (them...we didn't make crack)

Male Self Esteem- (them & us) this may seem weird to some that I listed this but think about it. Since slavery our men have been belittled and emasculated always with the threat of death, from slave masters raping their wives to being called the "N" word or "boy" in front of their families. They have been beat down throughout the past hundreds of years and ladies...we have followed suit. We have now taken on the role of male bashing ourselves chanting "all men are dogs"...well as they were being chased by dogs during the civil rights era we were right there to clean the wounds when they got home. Although it seems like when the crack era hit, when black men couldn't get jobs, when women started burning their bras we thought that was a good idea and so we have become "Independent Women". We can now visit sperm banks and we have our own careers and now don't even have time to raise our own children properly (for some) do we think we are better off? Ladies we are struggling and we have to learn that the black male ego is VERY sensitive not just because black men are "trippin" or whatever it's because they have been deprived of something so long that they need their woman to HELP them restore what they, their fathers, grand and great-grandfathers have lost.

The Decline of the Black Community

Church (us) Churches must remember that it's not the size of your congregation its about what Jesus would do. He fed a multitude...then He spoke about God's word. If we as a church fail to meet the needs of the people how will they clearly hear and know God. We have the power to do miracles in our community but its not going to happen if it's about "keeping up with the Jones'" what's the use of having a fancy steeple if your congregation is full of nearly homeless people?

Rise and Fly (us) I'm glad you made it out of the "hood" alive with your degrees and your new corporate career but it's not all about you! Have you ever thought that your success now has you in a place where you can and should help someone else? Don't you think that you are being just as bad as the crack dealers killing our people if you lay your head in the suburbs and don't lift a finger to do anything to help anyone else move forward? For those who think that "Well I did it and I didn't have any help so should they!" Let me say that you did not do it alone, you might have gotten by merely on the intercessory prayer of your grandmother. Heck, maybe if it had been solely on your efforts you would be in the same position as all the others. Think about it!

Black people deep down want the best for each other, we are just sick and tired of the statistics. We are tired of seeing our people struggle financially. I feel that though we can empathize with each other to a certain extent there is still little to no room for real understanding of the situation at hand. I think many black people feel that most blacks just complain and don't do the work to get to the next level...that is not always the case. In every race there are lazy people, there are people who would rather have a hand out than a leg up on a situation. I'm not talking about those people, I'm talking about the people who try their best but have not had a breakthrough or those who tried, got knocked down and are now jaded and have completely lost faith. Those who are in the position to help...don't always do it. As if giving your fellow African American "the hook up" is completely out of order....other people call it Nepotism!

The "N" Word (Let's end this once and for all)

2008-10-01T00:13:00.000-07:00

So I got a text the other day and the first line read "Vote for Obama". Of course, I'm all on it but just as I am about to send it I scroll past the last line. "Can a Nigga get elected!" My first thoughts are, "Wow I would love to forward this in support of him being elected. Then I think, why does he have to be a nigga?" It's like the first line of the text spoke volumes, it had me feeling good about the fact that a black man that actually knows what it's like to go without, a man that knows what it's like to struggle and triumph, a man who "looks like me" can actually be the President of the United States of America. A place where once upon a time someone that "looked like me" could not vote or legally read a book. I thought, look how far we've come. But not only that, imagine where we can go as a seemingly downward spiraling race of people. What an example of excellence we have in Barack Obama and how awesome it is to witness these days and times! Heck, black people are finally taking politics seriously and getting involved in the system because we now truly feel like things are changing and there is at least a ray of hope...a glimmer of prosperity in the darkness of this society. Then I come to that last line "Can a nigga get elected". I can't explain how deflated I felt, it was like someone sending you flowers and then when you read the card it says "Happy Birthday B****!" No matter how beautiful the bouquet the harsh slanderous remarks definitely take away from the jubilation. All of this leads me to wonder why we as black people continue to use this term.

Some people say that it is a term of endearment and displays a sense of camaraderie but the way it was used in the example above it figuratively put a 40 oz. of malt liquor in Barack's hand and stood him on a street corner. Does that mean that those on a street corner are now "N words"... nope but this is the type of language that seems to be more easily accepted amongst peers without opposition. (Reasons are to be determined) The term "Nigger" throughout American history has always been one of negativity toward black people. It was a word that was designed to express feelings of: anger, hate, disdain and was used with a condescending tone. This label was shoved down our forefathers throats to belittle them and figuratively castrate our men. Fast forward to today, now we have young black men and women calling each other a variation of the label our forefathers tried so hard to escape. Now we see this label as a term of endearment and brotherhood when less than 60 years ago there were people with hoods belting the same phrase with lit torches on someones lawn in Mississippi?! Are we really that naive to believe that every time a rapper uses this term every third line of his song those racists who lynched our great grandfathers aren't having a hearty laugh at the beautiful work they've done as they do back flips in their graves? Don't you think we seem rather comical to other races as we repeatedly defend a term that has so many negative connotations? (I apologize in advance to anyone who might be offended by my next statements, I am just trying to make a point) I have never heard of a person of Latin descent call each other "Wetback" or a gay person defend the use of the word "Fag" or a Jewish person write a song using the word "Kike".

Various "N word" Uses:

Term of Endearment???

Would you refer to your grandmother as..."My Nigga"?

If a person of another race used it in an "nice way" is that ok?

If your black boss referred to you jokingly in this way would you be bothered?

What if you overheard a mother calling her child that in a playful way...as if that was the child's nickname? Would that be a problem?

Used when Angered???

Men, how do you feel when a woman calls you this when she is angry?

Men, if your wife or girlfriend called your son this in anger is that ok?

Used in Music and Entertainment???

How does it feel when people of other races are singing songs with the "N word" in it and they say the word out loud in front of you. Does it matter because they were just rapping the lyrics?

Does any of this matter? Are we so obsessed with desiring control in some area in our lives that we will fight to the death for a word that stomps us deeper into the ground? This is complete and utter lunacy folks! Comedians how can I laugh when you are saying the "N" word jokes in front of my co-worker Jane? She's not sure if she should laugh or not because she knows that I just might hit her in the face if she laughs at the wrong thing! (lol) But honestly, I'm embarrassed not just because Jane is there but because I can't understand why the people that look like me just don't get that the words that come out of their mouth is very powerful and can be very damaging. Those words can perpetuate a mindset of inferiority amongst our people. It will make us think that you can become the President of the United States but in your own people's eyes...you're still just a Nigga!

God Knows (Are we using the tools?)

2008-09-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

Living in a busy city like L.A. and observing the "culture" of this city and looking at society as a whole in certain ways leave me deeply disturbed. I could beat around the bush on this nightly rant but instead I will get to my point. (especially since my last blog was quite lengthy! :-)

I'm sure I'm not the only one that has seen the advertising billboards for the CW's "Gossip Girl" with taglines such as "Very Bad for You" and "OMFG" (I'm sure you are familiar with OMG so I'm sure you can take a wild guess in regards to what the "F" stands for.) I find myself briefly watching MTV and in the corner of my screen they are previewing a new series and all I can see is a couple making out and I'm not talking about a sweet, tender peck on the lips I'm talking about an "I've been celibate for 5 years and it's my honeymoon, so it's goin down!" type of making out. The preview stayed in the lower right hand corner of my screen for what felt like the duration of the show I was watching (or at least glancing at for 10 minutes or so). I don't remember seeing anything like that when I was a teenager and that wasn't that long ago. I know that times change but sheesh!

We are being inundated with "moderate" but now moreso EXPLICIT sexual images more and more everyday. The tv and movie producers are constantly pushing the envelope just for that "Wow" factor. This leads me to believe that with the state of our society where "the freakier, the better" is the rule of thumb then that must adversely affect our everyday lives as Christians, as those who claim to report to a higher authority. Are we letting society relax our morals and dictate what is "reasonable" behavior for Christians within this society as if God's law changes with the times? At one point in time sex before marriage was extremely taboo, then it became ok as long as you didn't have a baby out of wedlock, then it became ok to have a baby as long as you were an adult and could take care of it, now teens are having and desiring babies at an early age and the only message they hear from "society" about sex is to "use a condom". Parents are looked upon as old fashioned and almost comical if they were to suggest to their child that sex should wait until marriage (what a concept). It's almost as if God's law is some sort of ancient tool used by the Mayans that was found in an archaeological dig and though the tool is cool to look at in a History museum it is no longer useful to today's society. I guess you don't need to bang two rocks together when you have power tools and jack hammers! This is not just about sex it's about how we treat God's Word in everyday life. Do we act as if He cannot see us? Is he blinded to our indiscretions because you are "really horny" or "had to cuss the b**** out?" Just because the heavens have not fallen on your head does not mean that there are not consequences to your actions.

Question: "Why can't I find a good man?"
Answer: "You need to keep your legs closed."

Question: "Why are so many kids having kids."
Answer: "They don't have any non-hypocritical role models."

Question: "Why don't I have peace?"
Answer: "You may not be doing what God has called you to do."

Look at the state of the world. The U.S. is in a fiscal nightmare, alcohol and drug abuse are rampant, relationships are deteriorating , families are at war, the country is at war, and dagnabbit no one gives a crap about their neighbor! We are either afraid of each other or we just plain hate each other. God sees this and I believe that he is saddened by it and would like for us to recognize our downfalls and raise the bar. His mercy endures forever but the question is...do we have that much time?

When are we going to raise our standards? When are we going to understand that God sees every move we make and though He knows the condition of our heart His desire for us is the same...to do His will. His word is not a tool for primitive people, it is universal and applicable today just as it was then. The cool thing about God is that there is no "Volume 2" or "Second Edition" the same rules apply for this game of life.

Black Men vs. Black Women (The Most Cutting Racial Divide)

2008-08-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

Black Men vs. Black Women

How do we resolve the divide between Black Men and Black Women? Side Note: I have capitalized the first letters in order to display how much of a separate entity we have become almost like another species.
First, we must STOP ARUGING and DEBATING! We (men and women) both have our own individual list of gripes and issues with each other.

Examples:

Men:

"She doesn't appreciate a good man!"
"She doesn't support me!"
"She has an attitude!"
"She won't stay in her place!"

Women:

"He doesn't take care of his kids!."
"He has bad credit!"
"Black men play games!"
"Black men aren't educated!"

Ok, with all this said who's fault is it?....Huh waiting….still waiting. I would be waiting all day long for both sides to shut their mouths because everyone has a valid point. The state of black relationships has been nothing less than deplorable! It seems that we can't get together or stay together for anything! So instead of placing blame like we always have let's just try and solve the problem. If you put 100 lbs of weigh on either side of a scale…its just going to balance out- so we are now in the same place at the same time just weighted down with anger and frustration.

First, we must recognize and understand the importance of Black relationships because back relationships lead to Black families. Family is important, wait I'm not conveying that well enough. Family is a gift from God and one of the most necessary entities in life…it's IMPORTANT!!! Our children are our legacy, they will be the ones to continue to fight after we get weary, they are the ones that will take care of us and this planet if we teach them to, they are the future. But we can't have a future if we can't get our relationships together in the here and now! Our children don't have a chance at combating the ills of this world if we cannot provide them with a solid foundation. If we can't come together then we have no one to continue our legacy and…we die! You wonder why so many black children live in poverty (in comparison to white kids) well we have broken homes! Most single parent homes are either in or at least a paycheck away from poverty! How do you stop that? Two parents…husband AND wife together to form a united front and produce mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially prosperous children and families. The resurgence of the Black Family will cause a chain reaction in the overall well being of Black people in this country.

There is an ugly truth that black people may not understand or even believe is taking and has taken place…a Racial Conspiracy! Oh no, I just said the dreaded "C" word! Now you are seriously contemplating not even finishing the rest of this blog! In hopes that you have continued despite me stating one of the most seemingly "clichéd" words in a black person's vocabulary let me explain. We all know that we came to this country as SLAVES (no rights, no wages, suffered through violent attacks). Then we worked this land in the "Good ole' US of A" until our backs were broken, without education and bare minimum living quarters (but I guess any shack is better than the Middle Passage ships). Through all of that: being stolen from our native land, separated from our families, infused with fear if we were to come near a book… we have survived! We are still here, we are alive…we have scars but we can still look at a our oppressors without lashing out at them or even having hate in our hearts toward them…that can only be by the power of God. Today we have gone from CIVIL RIGHTS marches to a legitimate BLACK PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! Now, we have definitely come a long way in that we have more blacks in middle class, we have blacks (women especially) graduating from college and we have black millionaires and a billionaire or two! That is a wonderful blessing and progress nonetheless! My question to you is: "Do you honestly think that the same slave traders that brought us here and the presidents that owned slaves and the police officers that battered and turned water hoses on us…the same people that hung us from trees and burned our bodies have died and left us with a new generation of fair-minded and compassionate people that are genuinely concerned about our well-being and therefore no longer racist?" Yeah that was probably the longest question you have ever seen but let's speak the truth. Racism is definitely alive and well. Now the question is how is it used today and how does it and has it affected the Black Family? Look around you:

Cointelpro- (1960s) FBI government agency established in the 1960's that initiated covert operations to infiltrate, disturb, and destroy peaceful activist groups (i.e. NAACP, Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee, The Black Panther Party, the Brown Berets, etc.) They would allow groups like the KKK to wreak havoc on these groups with no repercussion!

Hurricane Katrina (2005) It took 3 days for our President to react while people are dying left and right…come on! Hell PETA was more concerned about saving the animals than Bush was about saving the people!

Jena 6- (2007) 6 black men face prison time for a racially motivated fight of which THEY were the victims!

These are all examples of blatant discrimination, but why? Why would a group of people set traps to ensure another groups failure if the other group was just trying to live a normal life (not necessarily change the world…just live in it and raise a family)… unless the oppressors lived in fear of something. If you saw a stranger walking down the street would you trip them or throw something at them hoping they would fall over? Probably not, unless you were just crazy or you felt threatened in some way. If you knew that person was walking down the street to get to your house to rob you then you might do something like that but you would most likely call the police. Well that is exactly what goes on with the plight of Black and other people of color…especially the men. There are so many road blocks placed before us on our route to just "being normal", being your regular average everyday citizen that there has got to be more than meets the eye. It's something that they know about us that we don't know about ourselves…we are POWERFUL! We are the first people and could easily be the last. Innately it seems as if the oppressors know that and are trying to protect their place on this earth because they know we are so powerful and influential that we could take from them the very thing that they have marked as their territory. Why someone would make claims to something they have not made, paid for, and was not given is ridiculous in my opinion! This world is not to be claimed it is to be respected as far as our living environment is concerned but most importantly God is to be worshipped and we are to be thankful for what we have…not steal from others! So with that said WE as black people need to understand that this road is going to be a bit more rough for us especially our men have had the short end of the stick since the foundation of this country. We have been shortchanged, discriminated against, lied to, lied on and abused for hundreds of years…have we forgotten?! I'm not trying to make excuses for individuals who just "don't care" and have no remorse for abandoning their families, etc. I'm saying that with this disturbingly uneven playing field it's no wonder our Black men fall into a few ditches! We cannot expect our men to just walk into a business and walk out with the job just because they have a degree or experience, there are many factors that go into it (education, experience, God's favor, an attractive "non-threatening" personality, etc.) But one of the sure fire ways that a man can keep his sanity in a world where a white man with a record can get a job before him and he has never been incarcerated, is for his woman to be his cheerleader. Not saying you have to wear the uniform or carry around pom-poms (although I'm sure he'd love it!). But he needs you (whether you think so or not) to have his back and love him through his worldly disappointments. The "world order" does not want him to be successful because it knows that with an even playing field we as people of color have the wherewithal to not only be AS good but to be BETTER than them! Plus, with all of the drama we have faced the past hundreds of years we are resilient and creative when it comes to obtaining the impossible! We would be unstoppable so they have to create this system with pitfalls designed for us so that they can stay steps ahead. It's quite sickening but we as women need to recognize that about the world and stop trying to act as if "everything is equal"…it's NOT!!! Ladies you want a man that "brings something to the table", well don't forget your role. When we begin to believe and encourage our men and stop causing drama and looking for the type of man that brings drama then we can begin to heal from our wounds from the past and appreciate the warrior spirit in that good man that goes out into the world everyday hoping to make it out alive and with his dignity! We can then begin to look at that truck driver or garbage man that works hard on a daily basis and see him for the king that he is! His ancestors just might have been royalty and though he has been mentally and possibly physically beaten down by society…he still wants and deserves a queen by his side to love him. Confirm this with any "healthy" man, when you love a good hardworking man that King WILL give his Queen all that is in his possession! You won't have to ask ladies…the kingdom will be yours! Now, if the man you are dealing with does not respect your body and your spiritual well being than he may not have had an example of a real man in his life. He may be consumed with these ridiculous music videos that treat women like objects and sex toys…that is NOT the man for you! Point him in the direction of Jesus and introduce him to a real man! No need for cussing and runnin' your blood pressure up…he is still God's child that is just not ready for you!

Again, how do we make it better? Let's start by individually cleansing ourselves from the anger and resentment we feel toward the opposite sex and begin to truly forgive the individuals that have hurt us. That person may have been your mother, father, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, etc. The more anger you hold onto the more stagnant you become and the more EVERYONE looks like your enemy! Be honest, are you truly seeking healthy relationships or "thugs" and "hoochies"? If you are picking the wrong people then YOU are the one perpetuating your own unhappiness…not an outside source. Understand that your past can manifest itself in various ways in the present and has the power to shape your future unless you take control of it now! An important step is cleansing.

The third step, so now that YOU are healthy then it's time to stop and get some understanding! Now that we know that this country's system is out of order Ladies take note: I know that you are now super accomplished; you have your house, car, degrees and amazing career and are looking for a man that can at least bring the same to the table and sure there are men out there like that but what if you don't find that? Get it out of your system…stop looking at the ballers in the club thinking they have everything you need because they have a Range Rover (it's bad on gas mileage anyway! lol) Are you going to pass on a blue collar man that treats you well because you can't brag to your friend about his degrees and Mercedes? You have to understand the roll of a woman…yes I said ROLL…we are designed to be a helpmeet and that means that we should help MEET the needs of our man yet it also means that we can help our man get to the next level. So, if you are a professional woman and have a man that's a truck driver as long as your man is a hard worker and loves you then you can help and encourage that man into obtaining a fleet of trucks and running his own company! The main point of all of this is not focused on what you can get from the person you're with or what they can bring to the table in total but the challenge is learning HOW TO LOVE. For me, seeing the way God has loved me and had compassion for me and others is the best example…even when we didn't deserve it. Reading about the life of Jesus and his "no condemnation approach" to people has given me an amazing example of what I need to aim for. You need to love in order to be loved. If you reap what you sew, then sew what you would like to reap! This is not just in regards to obtaining or maintaining a romantic relationship but should be your approach in your daily interactions. Know that if you are angry and evil all of the time then that is what you can expect to be the mainstay of your life. Bottom line, no one wants to be around someone full of negativity. If you would like to know if you are negative then take a listen to your friends. Do they complain all the time? Are their relationships with the opposite sex tumultuous? When they walk in the room does it seem to get darker and less upbeat? If you have answered "yes" then you have friends who are mostly likely negative in some manner. That does not mean that they are bad people but it does mean that you may also have some negative characteristics within yourself otherwise you would probably not be so comfortable around them. Just know that God has a plan and is completely in control so no matter what happens in life don't let the circumstances steal your joy and make you bitter…let it make you better!

The fourth step, Now that you know the importance of black relationships and families, you know the mess that we are up against in this society, you have checked your own baggage at the door and know what to look for then the last step is to be patient. While you are waiting on someone (women) while you are looking for someone (men) focus on God and helping others…don't sulk it will just lead you back into the same anger and bitterness circle that you just came out of. Hopefully you have begun to look at the opposite sex as people that may have issues that they are working through but they still have the right to be loved. Even if they are not your mate they are being worked on by God for someone else, understand that! Don't just brush people off as if you were born perfect. When your heart and mind change and you begin to look at people in love and not condemnation then that same mercy will be shown to you. You will then be showered with love whether romantic or platonic. You will see things come full circle, you will begin to see life differently. Where once you look at the world and the opposite sex, etc as a source of pain and frustration you will then begin to look at it all as opportunities for joy and forgiveness because the love that you have given out has returned to you and next thing you know your PERCEPTION has changed! Now when you see that "thug" or "hoochie" it does not send you into a whirlwind of judgments and disappointment but yet another opportunity to display love and patience or at least stops you from cussing someone out!
We have a lot of work to do my people…but don't fret God did not set us up to fail. We are beautiful and remarkable people with real love in our hearts. Our hearts have just been broken down from this backwards society…we are out of our element, we are used to sharing and caring for one another not stepping over one another for our own personal gain.

Please understand I am NOT about hate and causing conflict between races or anything. I am not an elitist either. I am just stating some things that I have noticed about our society that I feel has kept us apart from each other. I feel when we understand the truth of the matter we can then work toward healing the divide. The Bible says, "Love others as you love yourself." But how can we truly love others if we don't even love ourselves individually and collectively?

God is love, Jesus the example…get ready…set….go!

-Audra
www.myspace.com/AudraBryant

The Beginning

2007-11-13T14:52:00.000-08:00

"To whom much is given, much is required". So many of us love the idea of being given something but the requirement part is what I struggle with. I have been in Los Angeles since January of 2001...yea I'm making it to L.A. Veteran status! I moved here at the tender age of 19 with my hopes and dreams in my back pocket along with $1,000...$800 of which went straight to my rent. Since then I have been on a whirlwind of trials from falling out with my best friend to perpetual unemployment, not to mention failed relationships. I've had some good times as well, I started out here as a telemarketer and now I'm a TV producer. But that was never my dream. All I know is I had a certain drive then that I seem to be lacking now. I'm sure you're probably saying, "but I thought you were an idealist", well I am but I do live in reality. I am real enough to say that "I AM TIRED!" In reality it's ok to feel that way, but ideally I can't let that stop me, but that's easier said than done. Honestly, sometimes I wish that life was just a big comfy couch that I can lie down on and fall asleep. But I'm coming to understand that life is more like a SoloFlex machine (you've seen those infomercials where you can do several different exercises on one machine) you go to one area and work hard and sweat, then the next area work heard and sweat, then another and another (they have like 15 different exercises you can do on that thing) then by the end of the day you are tired and by the end of the month you have lost a few inches from your waist. If years were inches then I've lost 7 inches from my waist and I'm starting to feel like a waif! But it's only THE BEGINNING. I don't have a husband, kids or even a dog that I am responsible for and I'm stressed out already!

I can't lie...I WANT A VACATION! I know it's not wrong to want to excape from your trials. God says He will give rest to the weary but as much as I would like rest I would like to "rest" in knowing that I will have something amazing to come back to after my much needed vacation. I would like to come back to bills that are paid and and bed that is made! (pardon the poet in me:) Then I ask myself, is this "vacation" really just for rejuvenation or just an excuse to momentarily forget about my struggles. Don't get me wrong if someone offered me a free trip to the Carribean (no strings attached) I'm looking for my passport! But my life as it is will still be the same, except I will have a tan! What do I REALLY want in life? The same as many people; love, happiness, security, an amazing family, good health and all of those wonderful things. So what is my role in all of that? Ask for God's blessing and then DO! "Do" does not come with an instruction manual sometimes we just make it up as we go along and if it doesn't work we change our approach. It seems simple but its kinda hard for me, I'm a little sensitive and need some coaching sometimes.

This is The Beginning of the second part of my journey. I came to L.A. with a dream and now is the time for it to come to fruition. But I have to do my part and I could use all of the help and encouragement I can get! My idea is to share my struggle and to get things done! Some people could care less and therefore might be mad they read this blog but either way it goes this is me and what's going on inside of my head right now.

Check out my dream at: www.myspace.com/AudraBryant